May 2, 1999
This week has been one of the shittiest weeks that I can recall at this point in time. Many things have happened and I don't really want to talk about any of them. Lets just say I am jobless and am looking and can't afford to be picky at this point in time.
On a lighter note I have only 10 more hours of class until I am a graduate with yet another degree. For all the good that will do me in the coming months I don't know yet.
On the home front, I had a visitor this past week also. Sort of a drop in drop out thing. Not something I would recommend anyone doing to someone else. Tugs on the heart strings too much.
Of late also my mental state has come into question and I really feel like if there are so many people out there who think they know what I am about and how I feel and what I should be doing they should take over being me. Otherwise get the hell out and shut the hell up.
Depression has been a part of my life for a very long time. I know when I am and what it is. I also know how to deal with it WITHOUT USING DRUGS OF ANY KIND.
The only bright spot of this whole week ........... is that I can't think of any.
If anyone knows of a good job in the Duluth, MN area please let me know.
On another note, I have heard about too many deaths lately. Too many good people, young people and important people. They are all in the Indian community of which I am a part so most of you reading will not know what I am talking about. But I have also felt that the world is teetering on an edge. Others have said the same thing to me. The worry is that the beginning of the end has arrived and is about to begin. I think it already has and the awarness of everyone is just now catching up to it. That would be why so many are going to the other side, to strengthen it and prepare for the onslaught of what can be termed as evil but is really just ignorance and greed.
I can't think of any reason to believe that the battle can be either ignored or averted. It is going to happen and the big question is how long will it take. I am very sure that the light will prevail and that those who stand on the side of the light will see the beginning of a great new era. Just how long will it take and - for me - what role am I supposed to play. Because I don't mind telling you that I am tired of living and though I am not looking to suicide I am looking to find out the reason I am still here anymore. My daughter yes, but what else. And if that is it, Creator needs to let me know.
Take care,